Come Holy Spirit....Help me write what I feel!
It's hard for me to put into words the immense love I have for our Lord and within the love the gratitude I feel for everything He gives and takes away!
Please bear with me and if you cannot understand through my words I apologize and please do not give it another thought.
It's impossible for a human with so many faults to describe such a perfect Love as in Jesus' heart!
Sometimes I feel a real pain through the love I have for Him, the best thing I can compare it to is loving another human so much it hurts or you cry!?
But this is a sort of pining for our Lord, the kind of love you may feel when you fall in love with another human but it is on a whole 'nother level!
I told you this comparison would be bad at best!
I also have never felt such a strong desire to take on suffering as I do now! I have always been one to run from pain or any unpleasantness in life!
It's not that I look for suffering, but when it comes my way I thank the Lord for trusting me with it and offer it back up to Him to use as He sees fit! I have become so untrusting of my own will that I can't even seem to decide how to "offer it up" I tell our Lord that I am offering it up to do His Will in the world.
Does this make sense to anyone out there?
It seems our Lord has set my heart on fire with love, yet it is a sweet burn. It burns without consuming yet sometimes it hurts with such a sweet pain and joy I know that it is only Him that keeps me from dying of Love! Thank you Jesus!
It seems You have chosen the smallest and most wretched of hearts to reside in. I only hope that You transform my heart enough to make it a fitting dwelling place for Your Spirit and Divine Love.
Maybe this is why I feel as if sometimes my heart is bursting at its seams! Such a small heart cannot contain such love! Why Lord, did you not give us bigger hearts to love You with?
Sometimes I wake up feeling like I've been marinating in His love overnight and wake up exhausted and dripping in Divine Love! I feel it run off of me and feel an intense urgency to share it with others and bring them into union with our Lord!
Why Lord? Is it that I was the weakest and most wretched creature, so you could prove to others that it truly is not me doing these things, but only the power of God could work such wonders in such a wretched and ungrateful soul?
I'm most positive this is it! Why else would something so wonderful happen to me, who is such a sinner?
It's peculiar, but even in all of His consolations there is a sweet suffering my intellect cannot describe. It's as though one cannot love in the true sense of the virtue without some suffering.
It's a beautiful union- one completes the other in such a way that I wouldn't ever want His love without the cross!
Only through The Cross can we truly appreciate Divine Love!
I am almost shameful for revealing such a feeling to you, but I know it is God who asks me to share it and so I willingly will endure the humiliation. Even through the humiliation of sharing it comes a peace and sweet pain I cannot describe.
So I guess the point of sharing this with you is to tell you to not be afraid to embrace your crosses in life and even love them a little!
You must endure the sun and the rain to enjoy the rainbow!
I guess that's where I feel that I am at right now, I am in the midst of pain, joy, love and suffering and even though I feel it all ~
it is mixed into a sweet burning love and desire to love and serve our Lord even unto death!
Lord, I love you but help me to love You more!
Not my will but Your Will be done!
Christ be with you,
Erin
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