The pain of my heart.....

This may make no sense to anyone but I am not concerned about it. I only write it to relieve my emotions that must be purged through words.


Dear Jesus,

You know every aspect of my heart and soul. You are currently moving and stirring things in my heart.
I know that like Therese, my vocation in life is to love. Not just a mere romantic love or caring love but
a burning love of charity- only the kind of love you can impart to a human heart. I do not know how to handle all the love you hand over to me to give to others. I cannot even take the time to make sure they accept the love or even want it but I must continually give this love because it gives relief to my poor little heart. My body and helpless heart cannot contain the love you give- so I must give it to others. My heart is breaking with Your Divine Love. It continually cracks and tears in order to make room for more love. I realize now that is why I feel the pain unless I freely give of myself to others. I have to obey your command and give until it hurts and until I have nothing left to give. Please stay by my side Lord, because I am only as strong as You allow me to be at any given moment. It's strange because even though I feel as if I were to be consumed in Your love, my body remains the same. I appear to be totally untouched, but if anyone could take a picture of my soul, they would see a complete transformation. My soul is not complete in the plans you have made for it, it is merely under the construction of Your Divine Love. This must be why there is so much pain at this time both physical and spiritual, yet I can withstand it as long as You remain in me, I will gladly endure it for it gives me consolation to know that You are working on your littlest heart. The one who has no room for a fleas love - yet You my precious Lord are preparing my poor heart for an amount of love that not even a Galaxy can compare to. I will not think how it can happen Lord, but I only trust in Your plans for me and am at your feet Lord waiting for Your next Command of me. Please, sweet heart of Jesus, all I ask is that you never allow me to do my own will -only Your will Lord, Only Your Will.
Sacred Heart of Jesus, how little I love You compared to Your love of me!

your littlest heart of love.

Embracing Humiliations...

Just this title alone will probably scare or confuse most people into not even reading this...I know it would me anyway. But, the Lord has come to show me in my own arrogance and independence all of the blessings He bestows on us and those He takes away.

I have recently been reminded that sometimes the "things" we believe to be blessings could actually be the obstacle that keeps us from getting closer to God. For example, most of us right now are struggling with lost jobs, lost wages, lost health insurance and loss of "extracurricular" activities. Not that these things are necessarily blessings but they can be! The old saying a "blessing in disguise" is true in any circumstance we feel is negative. The only difference is we are not always brought to this realization. We may recognize the blessing in a week, a month, a year, or even at our own death but there must be Trust in the Lord that what "happens" to all of us is God's Will for us. It is to make us better or it may even be to prepare us for something bigger or harder in the future.

Have you ever thought about how lucky I must be to not have the extra money to go out to dinner or not be able to attend a ball game or even a movie. Most of us would not say that or even dare to think it for fear it may stay true...correct? Well when you find yourself or loved ones in a predicament you nor they can control, praise God for the blessing of having less distractions to take you away from Him!

Sometimes the Lord takes things away because we do not Rely on him as we should nor do We Praise Him as we should. I do not know His reasons nor do I claim I will ever but somehow I know in my heart of hearts that everything can be taken away but the only treasure I truly own is my love and Faith in Him and His love and Mercy for me. When you truly know and understand this mystery it will make swallowing any jagged pill of life that much easier! This is not to say everything in life will be a piece of cake because if it were being Christian would also be a piece of cake but in order to achieve the Glory of Heaven and one day gaze upon the Face of God, their must be labor and toiling involved.

Think of it as you would a job....or better yet your Vocation in life is to one day meet your Lord face to face. If you had to answer to an employer who was "in charge" of your promotion into Heaven or to which level of Heaven you were to be promoted to don't you think you'd be very careful which decision you made every waking moment of everyday?

This is how we are Judged by our Lord and Master....We must Fear Him not because He is Merciless but because He is our loving Father who wants what it best for us. So just as we all wanted to please our parents growing up and still do...so we must strive for our Heavenly Father's Joy and Praise for our good works done on earth and our spreading of His love to all of those around us.

I may have gotten a little off track in this post but my point is to embrace the humiliations of not having the finest car, the finest home, the finest clothes, the finest job, embrace the literal poverty of our time to permeate the poverty of your soul and gain true humility. For true Humility and poverty of spirit consists in if you had a choice would you stay in your present circumstance of less money, driving a beat-up car and wearing old clothes because it kept you grounded and closer to God or would you jump at the chance to better your "standing" in society once again and forget about the hidden blessings the Lord bestowed on you. There is even more humilty in a person that accepts the better job but does not change his lifstyle...instead he gives away the extra money to the poor, the church, etc. The extra money is entrusted to him by God to do good works on earth. So no matter what your current circumstance embrace your hidden blessings or humiliations and Praise God for them at the end of the day...For only by way of the Cross will we gain Eternal life.

May God bless you and keep you always......

Erin

Be ever Ready for battle......

We should be ever on guard of our souls, not because we should be afraid of the enemy, but because we should constantly be praising our Lord God who deserves all of our time and praise.



Prayer in Time of Temptation

In obedience to the Immaculate Conception, I command you, every unclean spirit, to depart; cease your attacks on us, our family, business, surroundings, and on those for whom we pray. In the name of Jesus I command you into the deep pit.
(Make the sign of the cross three times).
With Ecclesiastical Approval


Taken from The Imitation of Christ:Book 3:Interior Conversation;
Chapter 6:On the Proof of a True Lover.

Christ: My child, you are not yet a valiant and wise lover.
Disciple: Why Lord?
Christ: Because with little adversity you leave off what you have begun and eagerly seek outward consolation. Valiant lovers of God stand firm in time of temptation and pay no attention to the deceitful suggestions of their enemy, the devil. When all goes well with them, I please them;and so do I please them when things go wrong.

2. Wise lovers do not consider the gift of the Lover as much as they do the love of the Giver. They look more at the love of the Giver. They look more at the love than at the value of the gift;for their Beloved is far above His gifts. Generous lovers are not content with the gift, but desire Me above any gift I can give them.

Therefore, do not be discouraged if sometimes you have less devotion toward Me or my saints than you wish.On the other hand, that good, spiritual desire you feel now and then toward your Lord is the gift of grace given to you for your comfort in this life and a foretaste of heavenly glory.
But it is not good to rely on such comforts that come and go, according to the will of the Giver. Strive always against temptations to sin and despise the suggestions of the devil, for this is a sign of virtue and of great merit.

3. Do not permit strange fantasies to disturb you, no matter what suggests them. hold to your resolutions and keep your intention fixed on Me; nor think it is an illusion if sometimes you are rapt in ecstasy and then suddenly return to your usual levity of heart.

For these you endure unwillingly, and so long as you do not encourage them and they displease you, they will be a cause of merit for you and not loss.

4. You know that our old enemy, the devil, uses every means he can to keep you from your good works and your prayer life- namely, from the worship you owe to Me and the veneration of the Saints,from meditating on My Passion, from the profitable reflection of your sins, from keeping watch over your heart and from a firm resolution to advance in virtue.
This fiend will suggest many idle and evil thoughts to draw you away from prayer and weary you with spiritual reading and other good works. A humble confession is obnoxious to him and, if he can, he will prevent you from receiving Holy Communion. Do not believe him, and pay no attention to him no matter how often he tries to trap you.

Turn his malice against him, saying to him:Begone Satan, you wicked spirit, and be ashamed, for you are foul to suggest such things to me. Depart from me, you father of lies. You shall have no hold upon me; for Jesus Christ,my Savior, is with me as my valiant defender, and you shall be put to flight in utter confusion.

I would rather die in torment than give in to you. Be silent and cease your malice, for I will not listen to you no matter how much you tempt me.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation;whom should I fear? Even if an army encamps against me, my heart will not succumb to fear. You are my help and my deliverer."(Pss 27:1,3;40:18).

Fight on like a good soldier; and if sometimes through weakness you fall, get up again and with greater strength than before, trust in My abundant grace. But be on guard against self-complacency and pride; for it is through these that many are led into error, and sometimes into an almost incurable blindness of soul.

Let the downfall of those who foolishly rely on themselves be a warning to you and keep you always humble.


Peace of Christ be with you.....


The most important and profitable time of my whole day is the time I spend with God.


Love,

Erin

Which will you choose...the spark or the fire?

As a little girl....all I used to dream about was getting married and having a beautiful family of my own. I also wanted to be a Saint. Now, I wish to be an uncanonized saint.

Although I am married...I know I may never have children...it is not in God's plan for me, and I have learned to accept it joyfully because I know He must have something better in store for me!

But let's think about those called to the Holy priesthood or religious life. If you are a parent or were a parent...what would be your reaction to your only son or daughter wanting to enter religious life? What would you say? Would your dreams of grandchildren be shattered? Maybe....but think about what God is calling him/her to do and to be!

We all understand when a girl/boy or man/woman feel the chemistry and sparks of first love or romance and wish to live the rest of their life with each other. We understand it because it is a part of our human nature to love and want to find a mate in life.

So why do we not understand when a man or woman feels the Divine Fire of God's love in their life and falls completely and totally in love with Him? God's love is pure..and lasting. His love sees us through all....

When friends, brothers, sisters, daughter, or sons marry another person, we never know how long it will last. We are unsure of their future. Sometimes people even try to predict how long their marriage will last.

So why would we be afraid of letting our loved ones marry God or the Church? Both have proven to be everlasting through good times and bad. God will never leave, never cheat, never let the fire of His love go out. We are the imperfect ones.

So please, encourage those with a holy vocation and pray for them! Do not hope that they "grow out of it" or that "it's just a phase". Pray that your daughter, your son, your grandkids should be so lucky to be called to such a high state of life! We need good holy vocations to lead to future and be prayer warriors for God!

God bless you and Happy First Saturday!

My prayers,

Erin

Christ vs. Swine Flu

I know today a lot of people are very worried about Swine Flu and the prevention of this or any other disease. However, it really disturbed me tonight at Mass that our Pastor would actually suggest receiving the Body of Christ in our hand as opposed to on our tongues because it has less of a chance of spreading germs. Also, he gave us the option of not shaking hands during the sign of the peace and if we had a cold we should not receive the Blood of Christ.

In the fashion of a local California t.v. personality, Huell Howser,

Do you mean to tell me....that the Swine Flu is more powerful than the Body and Blood of Christ?

Think about it......


Okay now really think about that.....

Is it not a teaching of our faith that the bread and wine during the Consecration really turn into the Body and Blood of Christ? Yes, you say?

Then why on God's green earth would I be afraid of receiving the Body or Blood of Christ a certain way? Do you not think that God will or would protect us from such a virus while receiving Him? If His Body and Blood could take away the ugly sins of the world....don't you think He could protect us from a virus?

This is more than just the way you receive or not receive something....this is a matter of faith. You either believe or you don't and honestly if you were somehow meant to get this disease....you'll get it one way or another because it is part of God's will for you, not because you decided to receive the Holy Eucharist on your tongue or because you drank from the Chalice of Precious Blood! Come on!

Let's live our faith and show our faith through our actions....how can we defend our faith if we cannot even live it through times of adversity?

I'm sorry but this infuriated me and I took offense to it as I'm sure the Lord did! I do not get angry very often...but I felt I needed to vent this and get the Truth of the Eucharist out there and stop some of the offenses incurred on our Lord out of sheer ignorance.

God bless you all....and please Do not be Afraid to receive our Precious Lord!

Phenomenon of Relics...

On Divine Mercy Sunday, my parish had a special Divine Mercy Mass that started at 2:30 and after Mass, the priest blessed all who wanted to with a first-class relic of St. Faustina, and then we all said the Divine Mercy chaplet together. Well obviously I knew this was a chance of a lifetime, since I know I most likely will never make it across the ocean to see a lot of holy places and shrines. Something was a bit disturbing to me as it was when I went to St. Padre Pio's feast day Mass. There is a sort of "fanaticism" that goes along with relics.

Relics are wonderful ways of coming closer to God's Saints and servants, but what struck me as sad was if I was an outsider looking in, I could be mistaken that my fellow Catholics thought more of these "saints" than they did of our Lord. It is a holy thing to venerate God's saints, and be respectful of places and things that they have owned or worked on but there is a fine line between veneration and worship.

It is this type of behavior that gives good Catholics a bad name and starts rumors with fellow Christians that we somehow "worship" saints or pray to them. Let's get one thing straight, we do not worship saints or pray to them. We simply ask them for prayers just as you would ask someone holy you knew for their prayers.

The saints can bring almost a sort of "rockstar or celebrity" mentality to the faithful. Let's just remember who the real master is and glorify our Lord and venerate the saints. We should take the excitement we feel when we see relics to the Table of our Lord at Mass. Perhaps it is because not everyone understands what they are witnessing at a Mass or the miracle that takes place on the altar, but if they could witness the angels and all of heaven around the altar during the Consecration, the saints would be dim in comparison.

I'm in no way putting down the saints, and I depend on their prayers daily just as I do our Holy Mother's prayers, but it is our Sweet Jesus in the little white Host that I place all my Trust and Hope in and I will until I hopefully see His sweet face in heaven!

My point of this post is, if you agree with this...show some of the same veneration and excitement over the Eucharist as you would visiting a Holy place, shrine, saint, etc.
For after all, it is the Lord our God visiting us on the altar and receiving him in our body and soul....it doesn't get much more awesome than that!

Jesus, I love you but help me to love you more.
Expand my little, dark heart and make it a dwelling place for You.
A place where You may rest Your head and take comfort in my love for You against
all the blasphemies and perversions committed against your Sacred heart daily.
Jesus, I place all my trust in You!

Mary, our sweet intercessor, Pray for us!
All of God's holy angels and saints, Pray for us!

Come to Me All You Who Labor....and I will give you Rest!

Sometimes, (especially in these hard times) we go through so much in one day or over time that we find ourselves not wanting to pray or maybe not having the energy to pray. I believe it is in these "dry" times that the Lord finds our prayer even more precious because we are persevering through prayer not because we have a warm fuzzy feeling to do so but because we are doing it out of love. Compare it to having a rough day and going home. You may not feel like talking to your Spouse or kids but do you ignore them? Of course not! So it is the same with our Lord. It is a relationship that must be nourished daily. So think about what you do with your husband, wife, best friend,etc...when you're feeling down or blue...Doesn't it help sometimes to just be in their presence and sit quietly with them and watch t.v. or watch a sunset? This is how we should treat our Lord. Can't find the words to pray because of heartache, or hard times? Run to the Tabernacle and just sit next to Him and listen! You don't need to think or speak...let Him do the tallking..I promise all of you that you will leave feeling more at peace with your situation than you did when you walked in. Remember we may not be able to control our world...but God can! So put it in His hands....and let Him know you haven't forgotten about Him. We're all human ..but remember the only difference between a sinner and a saint is the saint gets up and keeps trying. The sinner never pulls himself up out of the mud. I'm praying for you all and for our world...please keep me in your prayers as well! God love you all!

~Erin

This song is awesome!

Tonight I went to 5pm Mass and at the end of Mass before the final blessing this guy got up and sang this song. After he sung the song he said he was from the new Catholic Rock group called "The Thirsting" and they gave a free concert at our Parish. I got a couple of copies of this CD but this song really spoke to me especially during Lent. He said it was inspired by the Holy Spirit while he was praying the Rosary. It is a meditation on the mysteries of the Rosary.

The Lyrics are as follows:


A cold night in Bethlehem
No fire to warm her hands
She gives birth to the Word made Flesh
The Bread of Life she puts in a manger
She won't understand why they come to adore Him
She'll say come hold my Son
Come Hold My Son

At the Temple she holds Him
She starts to see His Salvation
Two turtle doves behold Him
As she presents Him to the world
She won't understand why a sword will pierce her heart
And she'll say Come hold my Son
Come hold Son

Come hold Jesus

In the streets of Jeruselem
She cries out loud Where is my boy?
He's gone to serve His Father now
His Father's house is where He dwells
She won't understand His Father's standing next to Him
but she'll say Come hold my Son
Come hold my Son


On the Hill of Calvary
Woman, Behold your Son
She watches Him nailed into a tree
The child she bore gasps for air
A loud cry and His heart is pierced
The child she held has gone from her
His body hangs without life
They take Him down from the tree
They lay'm in His Mother's arms
They lay'm in Her arms
She won't understand why Her Son had to die
and she said Come hold my Son
Come Hold My Son