The pain of my heart.....

This may make no sense to anyone but I am not concerned about it. I only write it to relieve my emotions that must be purged through words.


Dear Jesus,

You know every aspect of my heart and soul. You are currently moving and stirring things in my heart.
I know that like Therese, my vocation in life is to love. Not just a mere romantic love or caring love but
a burning love of charity- only the kind of love you can impart to a human heart. I do not know how to handle all the love you hand over to me to give to others. I cannot even take the time to make sure they accept the love or even want it but I must continually give this love because it gives relief to my poor little heart. My body and helpless heart cannot contain the love you give- so I must give it to others. My heart is breaking with Your Divine Love. It continually cracks and tears in order to make room for more love. I realize now that is why I feel the pain unless I freely give of myself to others. I have to obey your command and give until it hurts and until I have nothing left to give. Please stay by my side Lord, because I am only as strong as You allow me to be at any given moment. It's strange because even though I feel as if I were to be consumed in Your love, my body remains the same. I appear to be totally untouched, but if anyone could take a picture of my soul, they would see a complete transformation. My soul is not complete in the plans you have made for it, it is merely under the construction of Your Divine Love. This must be why there is so much pain at this time both physical and spiritual, yet I can withstand it as long as You remain in me, I will gladly endure it for it gives me consolation to know that You are working on your littlest heart. The one who has no room for a fleas love - yet You my precious Lord are preparing my poor heart for an amount of love that not even a Galaxy can compare to. I will not think how it can happen Lord, but I only trust in Your plans for me and am at your feet Lord waiting for Your next Command of me. Please, sweet heart of Jesus, all I ask is that you never allow me to do my own will -only Your will Lord, Only Your Will.
Sacred Heart of Jesus, how little I love You compared to Your love of me!

your littlest heart of love.

Embracing Humiliations...

Just this title alone will probably scare or confuse most people into not even reading this...I know it would me anyway. But, the Lord has come to show me in my own arrogance and independence all of the blessings He bestows on us and those He takes away.

I have recently been reminded that sometimes the "things" we believe to be blessings could actually be the obstacle that keeps us from getting closer to God. For example, most of us right now are struggling with lost jobs, lost wages, lost health insurance and loss of "extracurricular" activities. Not that these things are necessarily blessings but they can be! The old saying a "blessing in disguise" is true in any circumstance we feel is negative. The only difference is we are not always brought to this realization. We may recognize the blessing in a week, a month, a year, or even at our own death but there must be Trust in the Lord that what "happens" to all of us is God's Will for us. It is to make us better or it may even be to prepare us for something bigger or harder in the future.

Have you ever thought about how lucky I must be to not have the extra money to go out to dinner or not be able to attend a ball game or even a movie. Most of us would not say that or even dare to think it for fear it may stay true...correct? Well when you find yourself or loved ones in a predicament you nor they can control, praise God for the blessing of having less distractions to take you away from Him!

Sometimes the Lord takes things away because we do not Rely on him as we should nor do We Praise Him as we should. I do not know His reasons nor do I claim I will ever but somehow I know in my heart of hearts that everything can be taken away but the only treasure I truly own is my love and Faith in Him and His love and Mercy for me. When you truly know and understand this mystery it will make swallowing any jagged pill of life that much easier! This is not to say everything in life will be a piece of cake because if it were being Christian would also be a piece of cake but in order to achieve the Glory of Heaven and one day gaze upon the Face of God, their must be labor and toiling involved.

Think of it as you would a job....or better yet your Vocation in life is to one day meet your Lord face to face. If you had to answer to an employer who was "in charge" of your promotion into Heaven or to which level of Heaven you were to be promoted to don't you think you'd be very careful which decision you made every waking moment of everyday?

This is how we are Judged by our Lord and Master....We must Fear Him not because He is Merciless but because He is our loving Father who wants what it best for us. So just as we all wanted to please our parents growing up and still do...so we must strive for our Heavenly Father's Joy and Praise for our good works done on earth and our spreading of His love to all of those around us.

I may have gotten a little off track in this post but my point is to embrace the humiliations of not having the finest car, the finest home, the finest clothes, the finest job, embrace the literal poverty of our time to permeate the poverty of your soul and gain true humility. For true Humility and poverty of spirit consists in if you had a choice would you stay in your present circumstance of less money, driving a beat-up car and wearing old clothes because it kept you grounded and closer to God or would you jump at the chance to better your "standing" in society once again and forget about the hidden blessings the Lord bestowed on you. There is even more humilty in a person that accepts the better job but does not change his lifstyle...instead he gives away the extra money to the poor, the church, etc. The extra money is entrusted to him by God to do good works on earth. So no matter what your current circumstance embrace your hidden blessings or humiliations and Praise God for them at the end of the day...For only by way of the Cross will we gain Eternal life.

May God bless you and keep you always......

Erin

Be ever Ready for battle......

We should be ever on guard of our souls, not because we should be afraid of the enemy, but because we should constantly be praising our Lord God who deserves all of our time and praise.



Prayer in Time of Temptation

In obedience to the Immaculate Conception, I command you, every unclean spirit, to depart; cease your attacks on us, our family, business, surroundings, and on those for whom we pray. In the name of Jesus I command you into the deep pit.
(Make the sign of the cross three times).
With Ecclesiastical Approval


Taken from The Imitation of Christ:Book 3:Interior Conversation;
Chapter 6:On the Proof of a True Lover.

Christ: My child, you are not yet a valiant and wise lover.
Disciple: Why Lord?
Christ: Because with little adversity you leave off what you have begun and eagerly seek outward consolation. Valiant lovers of God stand firm in time of temptation and pay no attention to the deceitful suggestions of their enemy, the devil. When all goes well with them, I please them;and so do I please them when things go wrong.

2. Wise lovers do not consider the gift of the Lover as much as they do the love of the Giver. They look more at the love of the Giver. They look more at the love than at the value of the gift;for their Beloved is far above His gifts. Generous lovers are not content with the gift, but desire Me above any gift I can give them.

Therefore, do not be discouraged if sometimes you have less devotion toward Me or my saints than you wish.On the other hand, that good, spiritual desire you feel now and then toward your Lord is the gift of grace given to you for your comfort in this life and a foretaste of heavenly glory.
But it is not good to rely on such comforts that come and go, according to the will of the Giver. Strive always against temptations to sin and despise the suggestions of the devil, for this is a sign of virtue and of great merit.

3. Do not permit strange fantasies to disturb you, no matter what suggests them. hold to your resolutions and keep your intention fixed on Me; nor think it is an illusion if sometimes you are rapt in ecstasy and then suddenly return to your usual levity of heart.

For these you endure unwillingly, and so long as you do not encourage them and they displease you, they will be a cause of merit for you and not loss.

4. You know that our old enemy, the devil, uses every means he can to keep you from your good works and your prayer life- namely, from the worship you owe to Me and the veneration of the Saints,from meditating on My Passion, from the profitable reflection of your sins, from keeping watch over your heart and from a firm resolution to advance in virtue.
This fiend will suggest many idle and evil thoughts to draw you away from prayer and weary you with spiritual reading and other good works. A humble confession is obnoxious to him and, if he can, he will prevent you from receiving Holy Communion. Do not believe him, and pay no attention to him no matter how often he tries to trap you.

Turn his malice against him, saying to him:Begone Satan, you wicked spirit, and be ashamed, for you are foul to suggest such things to me. Depart from me, you father of lies. You shall have no hold upon me; for Jesus Christ,my Savior, is with me as my valiant defender, and you shall be put to flight in utter confusion.

I would rather die in torment than give in to you. Be silent and cease your malice, for I will not listen to you no matter how much you tempt me.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation;whom should I fear? Even if an army encamps against me, my heart will not succumb to fear. You are my help and my deliverer."(Pss 27:1,3;40:18).

Fight on like a good soldier; and if sometimes through weakness you fall, get up again and with greater strength than before, trust in My abundant grace. But be on guard against self-complacency and pride; for it is through these that many are led into error, and sometimes into an almost incurable blindness of soul.

Let the downfall of those who foolishly rely on themselves be a warning to you and keep you always humble.


Peace of Christ be with you.....


The most important and profitable time of my whole day is the time I spend with God.


Love,

Erin

Which will you choose...the spark or the fire?

As a little girl....all I used to dream about was getting married and having a beautiful family of my own. I also wanted to be a Saint. Now, I wish to be an uncanonized saint.

Although I am married...I know I may never have children...it is not in God's plan for me, and I have learned to accept it joyfully because I know He must have something better in store for me!

But let's think about those called to the Holy priesthood or religious life. If you are a parent or were a parent...what would be your reaction to your only son or daughter wanting to enter religious life? What would you say? Would your dreams of grandchildren be shattered? Maybe....but think about what God is calling him/her to do and to be!

We all understand when a girl/boy or man/woman feel the chemistry and sparks of first love or romance and wish to live the rest of their life with each other. We understand it because it is a part of our human nature to love and want to find a mate in life.

So why do we not understand when a man or woman feels the Divine Fire of God's love in their life and falls completely and totally in love with Him? God's love is pure..and lasting. His love sees us through all....

When friends, brothers, sisters, daughter, or sons marry another person, we never know how long it will last. We are unsure of their future. Sometimes people even try to predict how long their marriage will last.

So why would we be afraid of letting our loved ones marry God or the Church? Both have proven to be everlasting through good times and bad. God will never leave, never cheat, never let the fire of His love go out. We are the imperfect ones.

So please, encourage those with a holy vocation and pray for them! Do not hope that they "grow out of it" or that "it's just a phase". Pray that your daughter, your son, your grandkids should be so lucky to be called to such a high state of life! We need good holy vocations to lead to future and be prayer warriors for God!

God bless you and Happy First Saturday!

My prayers,

Erin

Christ vs. Swine Flu

I know today a lot of people are very worried about Swine Flu and the prevention of this or any other disease. However, it really disturbed me tonight at Mass that our Pastor would actually suggest receiving the Body of Christ in our hand as opposed to on our tongues because it has less of a chance of spreading germs. Also, he gave us the option of not shaking hands during the sign of the peace and if we had a cold we should not receive the Blood of Christ.

In the fashion of a local California t.v. personality, Huell Howser,

Do you mean to tell me....that the Swine Flu is more powerful than the Body and Blood of Christ?

Think about it......


Okay now really think about that.....

Is it not a teaching of our faith that the bread and wine during the Consecration really turn into the Body and Blood of Christ? Yes, you say?

Then why on God's green earth would I be afraid of receiving the Body or Blood of Christ a certain way? Do you not think that God will or would protect us from such a virus while receiving Him? If His Body and Blood could take away the ugly sins of the world....don't you think He could protect us from a virus?

This is more than just the way you receive or not receive something....this is a matter of faith. You either believe or you don't and honestly if you were somehow meant to get this disease....you'll get it one way or another because it is part of God's will for you, not because you decided to receive the Holy Eucharist on your tongue or because you drank from the Chalice of Precious Blood! Come on!

Let's live our faith and show our faith through our actions....how can we defend our faith if we cannot even live it through times of adversity?

I'm sorry but this infuriated me and I took offense to it as I'm sure the Lord did! I do not get angry very often...but I felt I needed to vent this and get the Truth of the Eucharist out there and stop some of the offenses incurred on our Lord out of sheer ignorance.

God bless you all....and please Do not be Afraid to receive our Precious Lord!

Phenomenon of Relics...

On Divine Mercy Sunday, my parish had a special Divine Mercy Mass that started at 2:30 and after Mass, the priest blessed all who wanted to with a first-class relic of St. Faustina, and then we all said the Divine Mercy chaplet together. Well obviously I knew this was a chance of a lifetime, since I know I most likely will never make it across the ocean to see a lot of holy places and shrines. Something was a bit disturbing to me as it was when I went to St. Padre Pio's feast day Mass. There is a sort of "fanaticism" that goes along with relics.

Relics are wonderful ways of coming closer to God's Saints and servants, but what struck me as sad was if I was an outsider looking in, I could be mistaken that my fellow Catholics thought more of these "saints" than they did of our Lord. It is a holy thing to venerate God's saints, and be respectful of places and things that they have owned or worked on but there is a fine line between veneration and worship.

It is this type of behavior that gives good Catholics a bad name and starts rumors with fellow Christians that we somehow "worship" saints or pray to them. Let's get one thing straight, we do not worship saints or pray to them. We simply ask them for prayers just as you would ask someone holy you knew for their prayers.

The saints can bring almost a sort of "rockstar or celebrity" mentality to the faithful. Let's just remember who the real master is and glorify our Lord and venerate the saints. We should take the excitement we feel when we see relics to the Table of our Lord at Mass. Perhaps it is because not everyone understands what they are witnessing at a Mass or the miracle that takes place on the altar, but if they could witness the angels and all of heaven around the altar during the Consecration, the saints would be dim in comparison.

I'm in no way putting down the saints, and I depend on their prayers daily just as I do our Holy Mother's prayers, but it is our Sweet Jesus in the little white Host that I place all my Trust and Hope in and I will until I hopefully see His sweet face in heaven!

My point of this post is, if you agree with this...show some of the same veneration and excitement over the Eucharist as you would visiting a Holy place, shrine, saint, etc.
For after all, it is the Lord our God visiting us on the altar and receiving him in our body and soul....it doesn't get much more awesome than that!

Jesus, I love you but help me to love you more.
Expand my little, dark heart and make it a dwelling place for You.
A place where You may rest Your head and take comfort in my love for You against
all the blasphemies and perversions committed against your Sacred heart daily.
Jesus, I place all my trust in You!

Mary, our sweet intercessor, Pray for us!
All of God's holy angels and saints, Pray for us!

Come to Me All You Who Labor....and I will give you Rest!

Sometimes, (especially in these hard times) we go through so much in one day or over time that we find ourselves not wanting to pray or maybe not having the energy to pray. I believe it is in these "dry" times that the Lord finds our prayer even more precious because we are persevering through prayer not because we have a warm fuzzy feeling to do so but because we are doing it out of love. Compare it to having a rough day and going home. You may not feel like talking to your Spouse or kids but do you ignore them? Of course not! So it is the same with our Lord. It is a relationship that must be nourished daily. So think about what you do with your husband, wife, best friend,etc...when you're feeling down or blue...Doesn't it help sometimes to just be in their presence and sit quietly with them and watch t.v. or watch a sunset? This is how we should treat our Lord. Can't find the words to pray because of heartache, or hard times? Run to the Tabernacle and just sit next to Him and listen! You don't need to think or speak...let Him do the tallking..I promise all of you that you will leave feeling more at peace with your situation than you did when you walked in. Remember we may not be able to control our world...but God can! So put it in His hands....and let Him know you haven't forgotten about Him. We're all human ..but remember the only difference between a sinner and a saint is the saint gets up and keeps trying. The sinner never pulls himself up out of the mud. I'm praying for you all and for our world...please keep me in your prayers as well! God love you all!

~Erin

This song is awesome!

Tonight I went to 5pm Mass and at the end of Mass before the final blessing this guy got up and sang this song. After he sung the song he said he was from the new Catholic Rock group called "The Thirsting" and they gave a free concert at our Parish. I got a couple of copies of this CD but this song really spoke to me especially during Lent. He said it was inspired by the Holy Spirit while he was praying the Rosary. It is a meditation on the mysteries of the Rosary.

The Lyrics are as follows:


A cold night in Bethlehem
No fire to warm her hands
She gives birth to the Word made Flesh
The Bread of Life she puts in a manger
She won't understand why they come to adore Him
She'll say come hold my Son
Come Hold My Son

At the Temple she holds Him
She starts to see His Salvation
Two turtle doves behold Him
As she presents Him to the world
She won't understand why a sword will pierce her heart
And she'll say Come hold my Son
Come hold Son

Come hold Jesus

In the streets of Jeruselem
She cries out loud Where is my boy?
He's gone to serve His Father now
His Father's house is where He dwells
She won't understand His Father's standing next to Him
but she'll say Come hold my Son
Come hold my Son


On the Hill of Calvary
Woman, Behold your Son
She watches Him nailed into a tree
The child she bore gasps for air
A loud cry and His heart is pierced
The child she held has gone from her
His body hangs without life
They take Him down from the tree
They lay'm in His Mother's arms
They lay'm in Her arms
She won't understand why Her Son had to die
and she said Come hold my Son
Come Hold My Son

Possess my soul My God, My Lord, My Savior!

In the words of our Lady...."My spirit rejoices in God my Savior ..."

Always a people pleaser, I no longer desire to please others unless it is Your Holy will to do so Lord!

Nothing in this world matters but you...I only exist to meet you once again and this exile grows tiresome.

My Soul feels like a single glowing coal left out in the rain and I fear extinction of the fire of my love for You Lord, please do not let this fire go out for I know only You fan the flames if there be any good in me! The opinions of others no longer matter to me as if overnight you shared the wisdom of Your Word with me and in no words can I explain the wisdom and knowledge you share with me. I only wish to please You my Lord and Creator so that when the day comes that You call me home I may be worthy enough to enter the purifying fires of Purgatory! And my soul will rejoice even in your absence because I will still have the hope that You have reserved my place in Heaven which You alone have prepared for all of us!

Your love continually wounds my soul as if all suffering that my body endures is a love story about Your love for us! Thank you for the blessing of suffering! It is the only proof I have to show you the love I have for You! Like one who has fallen in love, You are the first I think of in the morning and the last I think of at night! How much longer will it be before You allow my Soul to get lost in Your Sacred Heart and share with me the mystery of Your love for us? I do not wish to tempt You Lord, but I am like one who walks through the hot, dry, desert searching for their beloved and getting excited and obtaining peace through a small glimpse at their beloved yet, never being able to meet face to face! I take comfort in receiving Your Body and Blood in the Sacrifice of the Mass! I rejoice at the mingling of Your Body and Blood with mine, but then suffer because I know I am not worthy of such a grace! I do not deserve to see You face to face but only long to be in Your presence for eternity and serve You at the lowest post. This alone would satisfy Your lover Lord....I Adore You with all that I am, please make me capable of loving and adoring You as I should and as You deserve. For I know You can make all things possible and if it be Your will, you can allow this and yet let me live. Although I will gladly suffer this exile, I look forward to the day that I pray You will call me home and not send me into the pit of fire....but have Mercy on the one who longs to be with You!

Show me the way to perfection Lord, not for my glory, but for Yours. Help me to be forgotten in this world, for only You and I exist in my heart and I gladly serve and love others for the fact that I am serving and loving You in them. It is a secret world I share with You the secrets of my heart, no one knows the love songs You sing to me and I to You! These are Sacred to You because every single thought and beat of my heart should only be to Glorify You! So any thought or action not done in Your honor is a debt that I owe to You Lord! Help me start today, in repaying of my debts to You! Suffering and love can only be repaid in suffering and love, but help me to perfect this as a Lenten offering to You and Your Holy Will!

Oh, Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit, How I love you, but help me to love You more!
My love and soul are a mystery to myself as You are to me! My heart swells and would surely burst without Your hand Lord....Command me to do what it is You want of me Lord and I will gladly do it! Please make my heart a place where You can take comfort from the sins committed against You in this world, make my little heart a place of rest and consolation to You where You may stay warm from the cold indifference our world has shown towards You! Thank you for the gift of Your Eucharist, and help others to understand Your true presence in this sacrament.

Keep me in the silence and solitude of Your Holy Sacred Heart. Your innocence overwhelms me and makes want to repent every day of my life, I offer myself as a sacrifice to You to help save souls!

Our Lady of Perpetual Help, Pray for us!
Our Lady of Mount Carmel, Pray for us!
Our Lady of Grace, Pray for us!
Our Lady of Good Counsel, Pray for us!
Our Lady of Guadalupe, Pray for us!
Our Lady of Sorrows, Pray for us!
Immaculate Heart of Mary, Pray for us!
St. Joseph foster father of Jesus and protector and patron of Carmel, Pray for us!
St. Teresa of Avila, Pray for us!
St. John of the Cross, Pray for us!
St. Therese, Pray for us!
St. Paul, Pray for us!
St. Pio, Pray for us!
St. Francis of Assisi, Pray for us!
St. Rita of Cascia, Pray for us!
St. Maximilian Kolbe, Pray for us!
Our Guardian Angels, Pray for us!
All of God's Holy Angels and Saints, Pray for us!
We love You God but help us to love You more!

Your daughter,

Erin

He came for the Sinners not for the Righteous...

Now that we are well underway into Lent, I feel that now more than ever God wants His message of..."I came for Sinners, not for the Righteous..." to be heard more than ever.

What does this mean to me? Well it assures me that I am a part of the sinners that He speaks of because I am "hearing" this message loud and clear. It also reminds me that I must work on my obedience skills. I've never been one to obey let alone want to obey. I've always had somewhat of a rebellious streak in me even when I didn't want to.

I've accepted this as part of my personality that God has created in me and yet it is part of my cross to perfect in coming closer to Christ.

During my morning prayers it crossed my mind that every time I do not obey Jesus or follow the Holy Spirit's inspirations, I am actually saying no to graces that Christ wished to share with me. How do I do this?

Well, if I am not following His inspirations, I am shutting down the flow of graces from His heart to mine. Think of the Blessed Virgin and her yes to God. What if she had said no? Would she still be "full of grace"? No!

It is this simple "yes" that opens us up to all the graces we ask for and still those many more we do not know to ask for. So let's pray for each other to say our "yes" to Christ during this Lent and beyond so that Christ may bless us with all the graces He wishes to bestow on us.

Christ, help us to say yes to you as Your blessed Mother did and still does today. Please forgive us for our past "no's" for we did not know what we did...but are now willing to make up for those no's with our yes today. Bless us on our Lenten journey towards you and help us to exercise this yes for the rest of our lives. Amen.

Today's "Little" Miracle...

As some of you know, my Saint for the year is St. Therese. My theme in prayer for the year is to ask St. Therese for an outpouring of love within families. Today I've had some difficulty in keeping hope after the unfortunate decision our New President has made regarding abortion. I was having a hard time praying this morning so I had to ask St. Therese for her prayers and intercession to help me to pray. Well I'm literally typing this five minutes after this happened. It's something that may seem very small and insignificant to the rest of you but it means the world to me and just a reminder to me of the Love our Lord has for us and how quickly our prayers are heard even though the results are not what we have asked for. I'm in the midst of doing homework and packing for my move next weekend. So I was taking a break from the computer and went to look through some books I have to decide what I am going to keep and get rid of. Well, two books I immediately began looking through were "Mother Angelica's Little Book of Life Lessons" and "Archbishop Fulton Sheen's St. Therese~ A treasured love story". Well, there was a book mark in Mother Angelica's book so I opened up the book mark to get this:

It's a Novena to St. Therese the Little Flower! The Novena is from a prayer card given to Mother Angelica on January 8, 1943. Nine days later her stomach ailments she had been plagued with her entire life disappeared! Praise God! I will close with this Novena...but not before I write what I opened up to in the Fulton Sheen book about St. Therese. It's a miracle to me how God can speak directly to the heart of my soul at exactly the right time and exactly the right thing! I love you Jesus!

What I found in this book ironically has a lot to do with the post I did yesterday:

"Coming back now to the Little Flower. What is the secret of humility? She said it is to become nothing. Nothing. Never to stress our own powers, our own wealth(if we have any), our own gifts, but to recognize they all come from God.

There are two kinds of emptiness. There is the emptiness of the Grand Canyon in the United States; it is sterile and produces nothing. There is also the emptiness of a flute, which if you breathe through, you can pipe a tune. Now we are bidden like our Blessed Lord, to become empty, to become nothing so He can work on us. That is the basis of humility. That is what people called her "Little Way"."~ Archbishop Fulton Sheen's St. Therese: A treasured love story.

Now for the Novena:

Novena Prayer to the Little Flower

O beautiful Rose of Carmel, St. Therese of the Infant Jesus, deign according to your promise to descend from heaven to visit those who implore you. Pour down on us in profusion those celestial graces that are symbolized by the shower of roses that Jesus your Spouse has put at your disposition. Your power is great with His heart. He can only listen and hear your prayer. I have then recourse to you, O St. Therese of the Infant Jesus, assist me in this circumstance. Speak for me to Jesus and to Mary and obtain for me to live a holy life and die a happy death. Amen.

St. Therese hear my prayer. Show your power with God and cure me if it be for the honor of God, and the good of my soul. Amen.

I encourage you to pray this with me throughout the year for an outpouring of love within all families and for all those who are considering abortion or are in danger of abortion. Life is a basic right for all humans...Choose Life..Your Mother Did!

May God bless us all and you all remain in my prayers!

Empty and Beautiful

This Catholic Artist Matt Maher is a local artist from Southern California who is known at a few of the Parish's around where I reside. I only discovered him this past year and his music is truly inspirational! I hope you feel the same way ! This particular song and album was dedicated to St. Paul as we all can understand St. Paul especially in this Pauline year! You can watch and listen to this song above...The following are the lyrics....


Empty and Beautiful- Lyrics and Music by Matt Maher

My past won't stop haunting me/ In this prison there's a fight between who I am and who I used to be/This thorn in my side is a grace/For because of it the flesh and blood of God was offered in my place./

You fought the fight in me/You chased me down and finished the race/I was blind but now I see/ Jesus, you kept the faith in me.

Where did my best friends go?/At my defense they disappeared/Just like your friends did to You Oh Lord/But You were there/You gave me strength/So this little one might come to know the glory of Your name/

I'm waiting and set apart/like incense to Your heart/A libation I'm pouring out

Empty and beautiful/ Beautiful/ Beautiful

Help me to follow You...

Dear Lord,

Today I realized how little I did to stop the gossip.
I also realized how little mortification I am willing to do.
The body sure does not like what the will wants,
and how much louder it screams when it knows
it is Your will Lord! It's almost as if this mule of a body
You give us knows when we are trying to go against nature
and go with the flow of grace instead.
How can I serve You Lord, when I am so weak?
Help me to help You Lord!
I know You have called me by name,
and You make No mistakes, but maybe just one?
Did You realize how messed up I can be?
Didn't You see me today?
Didn't You know I helped nail You to Your cross?
And You still love me?
And You still were willing to be crucified for me?
For this slimy, stinky, soul?
Oh how I wish to serve You Lord!
Make me the soul You want me to be, Lord!
I give up, and I give You permission
I abandon myself to You and Your Will!
I leave my heart in Your capable Hands!
I know I know nothing and You know all!
My pride has come crumbling down!
Every time I feel superior for not having sinned,
my pride has already sinned for me.
Oh the human condition is disgusting and beautiful all in one!
I know I must choose Lord and I choose You!
So why then, just like St. Paul, I do what I do not want!?
It is a mystery to me and I am perplexing to myself!
Jesus, make my heart an image of Yours!
Let me melt away into Your Divine Mercy
and help me to Trust that I am forgiven
and that I am still Your loved child!
I am sorry Jesus for all that I am and all I have not lived up to be!
Take my nothingness and make it a whole lot of something for Your heavenly Kingdom!
As St. Pio has said, "I'd rather be a doorman for Heaven, than living in mansions with the wicked!"

Immaculate heart of Mary, Pray for us now and at the hour of our death...Amen!

Amazing Grace...

As some of you know for the past four or five years my family has picked a Saint's Name out of a bag and each paper has something to pray for throughout the New Year. For example, it may say (St. Paul, pray that all may overcome temptations). So throughout the year, this would be each individuals running theme in prayer.

I believe this has been the best thing to happen to all of us, not only have we learned a great deal about the Saints and their lives, but are often inspired to live as they lived or practice the heroic virtue they were able to attain through God's Grace.

As some of you know, I've been discerning a vocation to the Secular Carmelites and have
received what I perceive to be an "engraved invitation" but with my human weakness and doubt, I still have my doubts. This is because I feel so torn between the Fransicans and Carmelites, even though in my heart I believe I belong with the Carmelites, I have been waiting for a sort of "push" from God to give me the assurance I needed to know I was making a correct decision and going where He was calling me to be.

The first year we started this "Saint for the New Year" tradition I chose St. Patrick for myself and Padre Pio for my husband. Well it turned out I ended up praying for both of their intercession's and St. Pio adopted me as his spiritual daughter. To make a long story short, because of his intercession I was healed enough physically to go back to work and was literally handed a dream job for myself as a Kindergarten Aide at St. Francis of Assisi School! What made this such a miracle, is I hadn't been able to work in a few years and I had absolutely no experience working at a school but was given the chance and am still there working very happily!

Many other miracles have happened since then, but I wanted to post this today to Praise God in all His Glory for giving me the small sign I needed to enter and pursue the Secular Carmelites!

Last night was a sad night for our family as we had to put one of our pet cats down who was suffering from Congenital Heart Failure due to a leaky heart valve. We praise God for sending us little Cubby and being able to enjoy such a wonderful creation for almost twelve wonderful years!

In the midst of all this, my mother says, "wait, we still have to pick our Saints for this year!" So my sister found the bag of papers and we said a prayer to the Holy Spirit to help us to pick the Saints we were meant to pray with this year. My Sister Amy went first, and she chose Louis and Zelie Martin, (St. Therese's parents), My Dad chose Our Lady of Mount Carmel, and I chose, drum role please........St. Therese of Lisieux! I was completely shocked! What are the odds of three out of five people in my family choosing from the Carmelite family? I definitely took this as a sign that this is where God wants me and I thank Him for it. He knows I need to be beaten over my hard head with the obvious! Thank you Jesus!

My mom chose Blessed John XXIII and Melissa another drum roll please.... chose Padre Pio! Yikes! I mean that in the most respectful way possible! Padre Pio and Therese have become my dearest Saint friends and Patrons over the last five years or so and I know All of us have many graces in store for us this year if we follow God's will for us.
I just wanted to share this with you to let you know God is in everything around us even in the smallest things, and even though you mat think it is a coincidence nothing could be farther from the truth! Listen to the stillness in your heart and you will find him waiting to speak to your heart!

I encourage all of you to do this for the New Year, an every year after! You can only gain eternal things by doing this!

"Happiness is not found in the things around us. It is found in the secrecy of the soul."~ St. Therese of Lisieux

Happy New Year!

God Strengthens Me...

This is from a little prayer book I have called "Loving Yourself More".

God heals broken hearts and binds up wounds. ~Psalm 147:3

Over and over again our hearts cry out for healing. The death of someone we love severs the heart. The demise of marriage, a friendship, or a dream smashes it. Sharp words, dull indifference, and aloof ingratitude wound it.

Picture God as a glowing light. Imagine the light filling and healing your heart of all its present and past ruptures. Stay immersed in that light as it warms you and binds up your wounds.

If you are suffering physical illness, let this light surround and penetrate the sick part of your body. Imagine it as warming those parts and healing them.

For your day: You heal my broken heart and bind up all my wounds.

The Opposition between Nature and Grace...

Happy New Year All! I hope you are all well and that 2009 will be a grace-filled year for you all! The following is again from the book : The imitation of Christ by Thomas Kemp. From Book 3 Ch. 54 - Interior Conversation.

I found this timely this morning with starting a New Year and everyone wanting to make their New Year Resolutions again! Let u look at what the Lord may want from us this year shall we? May God bless you!


Ch. 54, On the Opposition between Nature and Grace.

Christ: My child, carefully observe the actions of nature and grace, for both move in opposite directions and in such subtle ways as to be indistinguishable except by the spiritually enlightened. All human beings long after goodness and pretend there is some good in what they say or do, that is why many are deceived by an apparent goodness.

2. Nature indeed is wily and betrays many through its deceits and crafty ways, and has always self at its end. On the other hand, grace walks with simplicity, turning aside from all that appears evil . It employs no deceits, but does all unaffectedly, purely for God, in Whom it rests.

3. Nature dies hard and is not easily overcome or repressed. Never under its own accord will it become subject to obedience. But grace studies how to be mortified to both the world and the flesh, desires to be overcome and under obedience, and seeks not its own liberty , nor to dominate any creature. Grace always wants to love under God's direction, and for His sake to place itself humbly under every human creature.

4. Nature always looks to its own advantage, considering what gain it can derive from another. But grace is not concerned with its own profit, but with what may benefit others.

5. Nature looks for honor and respect. Grace refers all honor and reverence to God.

6. Nature fears rebukes and contempt. Grace is happy to suffer for the Name of Jesus.

7. Nature craves ease and idleness. But grace cannot be idle and gladly embraces toil.

8. Nature surrounds itself with rare costly things and looks down upon what is coarse and cheap. Grace takes joy in humble and simple things, but does not disdain hard things, nor refuses to be clad in poor clothing.

9. Nature focuses its attention on worldly matters, is elated in material gains, is downcast by losses, and is cut to the quick by a sharp word. Grace is intent upon things eternal, is not worried by the loss of things, nor grieved by the unkind word; for its treasure and joy are in heaven where nothing is lost.





10. Nature is greedy and gladly takes rather than gives, and clings possessively to private possessions. But grace is kind and unselfish, avoids self-interest, is content with little, and rightly judges that it is more blessed that to receive. (Acts 20:35).

11. Nature is inclined to seek creatures, to the love of its own flesh, to idle pastimes and to unnecessary running about. Grace draws people toward the love of God and virtuous living, renounces all created things, flees the world, despises the lusts of the flesh, restrains all useless wanderings, and avoids as much as possible appearing in public.

12. Nature gladly receives exterior comfort to gratify the senses. Grace seeks comfort only in God, finding delight in the Sovereign Good beyond all things visible.

13. Nature does everything for personal profit, never doing any work for nothing, but always looking for repayment-at least in equal amount, if not better, or else for praise and favor- longs to have its deeds and words highly valued. On the other hand, grace seeks no temporal reward nor any other compensation in payment, but only God himself. Grace will have no more of the necessities of life than that which serves to obtain everlasting life.

14. Nature enjoys having a crowd of relatives and friends, prides itself on the family tree and a distinguished background. Nature flatters the rich and caters to those in power and approves those who share the same opinions as itself.
But grace behaves differently, for it loves even its enemies, and does not boast of having a large circle or friends. It cares not for rank or birth unless joined with greater virtue. It favors the poor rather than the rich; and has more in common with the simple and innocent than with the influential.

It rejoices with the truthful and not with liars. It encourages the good to be zealous to aim higher, and by the exercise of virtues to become more like Christ, our Lord.

15. As soon as trouble and want appear, nature is quick to complain. Grace gladly bears poverty with constancy.

16. Nature refers all things to itself and all its striving is for itself but grace refers all things back to God, who is their Source. Grace is not presumptuous and attributes no good to self; neither does grace argue or prefer its own opinions, but submits to Eternal Wisdom.

17. Nature wants to know secrets and is avid for news, wants to appear in public and to try out new things. It likes to be noticed and to do sensational things to win approval. Grace cares nothing for the novel or curious, for it knows that all this springs from our old corruption, since there is nothing new or lasting upon earth.

Grace teaches us to control our senses, to shun all vain pleasure and outward show, and humbly to hide anything that might win human admiration. In all knowledge and in all actions, grace seeks not only spiritual profit, but, above all, the praise and honor of God, that He may be blessed in His gifts, which He freely bestows through His love.

18. This grace is a supernatural light and a special gift of God. It is the proper mark of the elect and a pledge of eternal salvation. It lifts a person above the things of earth to the love of heavenly things, making a spiritual person of a worldling.

The more nature is kept down and overcome, the more grace fills a human soul, and through new daily visitations the soul is formed more and more to the image of God.




Try this instead of the yearly diet, we have so much more to lose and gain by these acts alone!
God love you!

~Erin