Help me to follow You...

Dear Lord,

Today I realized how little I did to stop the gossip.
I also realized how little mortification I am willing to do.
The body sure does not like what the will wants,
and how much louder it screams when it knows
it is Your will Lord! It's almost as if this mule of a body
You give us knows when we are trying to go against nature
and go with the flow of grace instead.
How can I serve You Lord, when I am so weak?
Help me to help You Lord!
I know You have called me by name,
and You make No mistakes, but maybe just one?
Did You realize how messed up I can be?
Didn't You see me today?
Didn't You know I helped nail You to Your cross?
And You still love me?
And You still were willing to be crucified for me?
For this slimy, stinky, soul?
Oh how I wish to serve You Lord!
Make me the soul You want me to be, Lord!
I give up, and I give You permission
I abandon myself to You and Your Will!
I leave my heart in Your capable Hands!
I know I know nothing and You know all!
My pride has come crumbling down!
Every time I feel superior for not having sinned,
my pride has already sinned for me.
Oh the human condition is disgusting and beautiful all in one!
I know I must choose Lord and I choose You!
So why then, just like St. Paul, I do what I do not want!?
It is a mystery to me and I am perplexing to myself!
Jesus, make my heart an image of Yours!
Let me melt away into Your Divine Mercy
and help me to Trust that I am forgiven
and that I am still Your loved child!
I am sorry Jesus for all that I am and all I have not lived up to be!
Take my nothingness and make it a whole lot of something for Your heavenly Kingdom!
As St. Pio has said, "I'd rather be a doorman for Heaven, than living in mansions with the wicked!"

Immaculate heart of Mary, Pray for us now and at the hour of our death...Amen!